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The Fatherstyle Advantage: Surefire Techniques Every Parent Can Use to Raise Confident and Caring Kids By Kevin O'Shea and James Windell This is the first child-raising guide to focus on the positive qualities that fathers bring to parenting, emphasizing Dad's special contributions to the family unit (including a strong sense of play and exacting standards) and how they have a truly positive impact on his children's lives.

ARTICLES ON THIS PAGE:
Doctor stresses importance of fathers in child care
Fathers can Offer Much to Children  
Fathers want to be involved, learn how at conference 
Fathers can learn to be more effective

Doctor Stresses Importance of Fathers in Child Care
Back in the 1960's, when Kyle Pruett was in medical school and was leaning towards pediatrics as his specialty, he was angered by the dismissive attitude of the child-care industry toward fathers.
        But that was nothing com pared to what he felt a few years later when his first child was about to born.
        "I has to get permission of the head of Ob-Gyn to be present at my daughter's delivery," says Pruett, clinical professor of psychiatry at Yale University and author. "I was shocked that I wasn't wanted there even though I had just been delivering babies myself in the same room."
        Pruett, who will be the keynote speaker at the Second Annual Michigan Fathers Conference at the Community House in Birmingham on Oct. 6, has been intensely interested in fathers and fathering ever since. Last year he published his newest book, "Fatherneed: Why Father Care is as Essential as Mother Care for Your Child."
        Although his eagerly experiences set the stage for  his interest in the subject of fathering, it took a question from a medical student in a class he was teaching to push him to look at the research on fatherhood.
        "I had a female student who asked what the effect on their child would be if she continued in medical school while her husband stayed home to look after their infant," Pruett said recently in a telephone interview. "I suggested to her that we look at the research."
        What they found was startling to him.
        "There simply was not a lot of research on fathering," Pruett says.
        That finding, however, led to him doing his own research on the role of fathers in the lives of children.
        Through his own research and that of others who have been looking more intensely at the previously neglected role of fathers, it's been found that fathers have a very important role in their children's lives.
        Pruett says even though more has been written on fathers, as he lectures and speaks to the media around the country there is still a question that gets asked frequently. That question, he says, is usually in the form of "Is it a good thing to have a father involved in a child's life?"
        The answer, according to Pruett, the father of three girls and a new son, is a resounding yes.
        "There is not an age when fathers are not important," he says. "The research consistently points out that it is a very good thing for children to have a father in their life."
        In the interview, he quickly ticked off the reasons why children of all ages - from infants through adolescents - need a father. One of the ways that fathers contribute to the lives of children is through play.
        "Fathers rough house more and kids really take to it," Pruett says. "Fathers also allow certain kinds of use of their bodies and this is healthy for children."
        Fathers handle discipline differently than mothers, he says, because while mothers emphasize education and learning objectives, fathers are more interested in teaching children how to deal with frustration and how to lose."
        Although Pruett acknowledges the many differences between mothers and fathers, he says he can't emphasize mothers have a great deal in common when they are parenting effectively. Good parents, he says, whether male or female, do many of the same nurturing and affectionate things.
        "You'd never have known in the past if you went on the basis of television show portraying fathers as idiots or Madison Avenue's ads showing fathers as clumsy and inept that fathers had any abilities as parents," he says. "The fact is mothers don't have a monopoly on caring for children."
        What he means is that for decades the research has centered on the role of mothers. Fathers and their ability to nurture were neglected and thought not to be important.
        "So although mothers may feel like they have the keys to the kingdom of nurturing," Pruett says, "they're learning on the job just like fathers are."
        When Pruett is in town to address the Michigan Fathers Conference, he will also speak to the staff of the Circuit Court/Family Division, to parents at The Roeper School in Birmingham, and to school counselors and mental health professionals. In each case, the topic will relate to fathers and the importance of their contribution to the growth and development of children.
        And he thinks it's about time that there is this emphasis on the role of fathers in children's live.
        "Since the women's movement brought women into the work force," Pruett contends, "men were drawn into the child-care vacuum. However, very few men, were talking to each other. It's taken more than a generation for men to find their voice and start talking to each other."
        What Pruett in his discussions with both men and women is that newly married parents are vitally interested in co-parenting. And there are more divorced fathers who are overwhelmed and moved by the uncertainty of being in a care taking arrangement.
        "I think that has left men feeling a need for knowledge and support," Pruett says. "There's a need for fathers that's gone unserved, and conferences for men just show there is a need to talk about fatherhood."

Fathers Want to be Involved, Learn How at Conference 
James Windell
        I was privileged to be involved in the first Michigan Fathers Conference recently. I came away from this conference fascinated and impressed with a number of things I observed.
        First, I was struck by the number of men who came out on Saturday to learn more about fathering. It's my experience, which I shared with some men at his conference, that when I'm asked to speak about raising children, my audience is primarily mothers. It's often assumed that women show up at workshops and speeches because they care more about the rearing of children than do men.
        Obviously, as the attendance at this conference illustrated, this assumption is erroneous. The men who attended this conference cared a great deal about raising their children.
        Second, I was impressed with the willingness of the men to ask questions and expose their weaknesses as fathers. Both the practical and philosophical questions men asked showed that men want to have a better, more positive impact on the lives of their children.
        Finally, I saw men could be passionate and emotional on the subject of discipline and the social issues facing both children and parents.
        It seemed clear to some of us at this conference that our society seems to give men conflicting messages. On the one hand, we tell them that their careers and the making of money should come first. On the other hand, we expect them to spend generous amounts of their time at home caring for and being involved in the raising of their children.
        But careers can be very demanding these days and everyone expects a man to give 100 percent to his job. If he does that, what does this leave for home and children?
        Often, not very much. We all know that realistically speaking, a man is usually not going to thrive in his career if he is staying home some days because a child is ill, if he takes off a day here and there to go on a third-grade field trip, or if he skips out of a meeting because he is taking his child to the pediatrician.
        Being a dad is a tough assignment, just as being a mother is a difficult task. But being a highly involved parent is even tougher. It means making a commitment to being there when your child needs you - not just when you can spare a few minutes.
        There are many men who have made this kind of commitment and , having made it, carry it out in an excellent way. However, there are other men who would like too be committed as fathers but don't quite know how they can pull it off given the demands of their careers.
        And maybe that's one of the things that was most fascinating about this first Michigan Father s Conference. That is, it brought men together to give them a chance to begin taking to one another and sharing with each other; maybe even learning from one another.
        In the long run, what happens after a conference like this is often more important than what happens during it. If men can keep talking to each other about the joys and problems of being fathers, maybe they can learn things from each other that will inevitably make them better, more committed, and much more involved fathers.

October 8, 2003
Dads are major players in their children's lives - contribute to their children's development in unique ways.
And they're taking on very different and important roles in the family structure these days, says psychologist Parke, author of "Throwaway Dads: The Myths and Barriers that Keep Men from Being the Fathers they Want to Be."
Parke will be the luncheon keynote speaker at the Michigan fathers conference Saturday at Groves High School in Beverly Hills.
In a telephone interview from his home in California, where he is Distinguished Professor and head of the Center for Family Studies at the University of California-Riverside, Parke talked about the role of fathers.
"Fathers really are important in the lives of their children," Parke says.
He points out that there are different demands on fathers now compared to the past.
"With the percentage of mothers who are working ever increasing, fathers have been pressed into service," Parke says. "So, fathers are necessary players to support what mothers are doing."
He says it is a myth that fathers don't have the same instincts for parenting as mothers do.
"It's true that fathers may have a steeper learning curve," Parke says, "but they are quite competent in being very good parents. Because of the different ways men and women are socialized, men have to acquire their training as parents on the job."
Parke has researched parenting - along with parent-child interaction patterns - for many years. He points out that recent evidence suggests that men are more biologically tuned into parenting than we previously thought.
He says studies indicate that men undergo a biological change in response to the anticipation of becoming fathers.
"For instance," he says, "when men are involved and supportive to their wives during pregnancy men show a drop in their testosterone levels."
Being the father of one adopted child, three stepchildren and three biological children, who range in age from 11 to 37, Parke says that fatherhood has had an influence on his career.
"It has certainly made me more aware of what is now emerging in the literature about fatherhood," he says.
Parke says he has gained a great deal from being a father and he is aware of the impact of fathering on other men as well.
"What the research shows now is that fatherhood is not only good for kids, but it is good for men.
"Fatherhood usually leads men to be more empathic and nurturing," Parke says.
Parke recalls that developmental psychologist Erik Erikson talked about the sense of generosity and citizenship that comes with parenting.
"You are more likely," Parke adds, "to give back to the community when you're a father. Men who are fathers are more involved in the community."
Opening the conference will be Daniel G. Mulhern, husband of Michigan Gov. Jennifer Granholm. Mulhern shares parenting duties for their two daughters and a son.
In addition, Mulhern conducts the "First Man's Forum" focusing on fatherhood issues.
The morning keynote speaker, Roland Warren, is President of the National Fatherhood Initiative (NFI). The group's mission is to improve the well-being of children by increasing the number of children who are raised with involved, responsible and committed fathers.
Sponsored by Dads Empowered, a nonprofit organization, along with the Birmingham Public Schools and Birmingham Youth Assistance, this fourth-annual Michigan Fathers Conference is bigger and better than ever says Chris Edwards, chief meteorologist at WJBK-FOX2 TV and a founding member of Dads Empowered.
"We gathered detailed feedback from our previous conferences," Edwards says, "and we have responded this year with all new workshops."
The workshops at this year's conference cover every period of parenting from infancy to adulthood.
The conference will feature 12 workshop sessions for fathers to choose from during the two morning workshop periods. They will provide various choices for conference participants
"We've also tried to design this conference to be practical for fathers," Edwards says.
"In particular, we wanted to address men's biggest challenge - making time for their family. However, we expect that fathers will gain practical advice that they will be able to walk out of the conference and use immediately.