"Fatherneed: Why Father Care is as Essential as Mother Care for Your Child"
Kyle D. Pruett
Broadway Books, 2001
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BACK
Dr. Kyle Pruett has written a book that should be required reading for any mother or father.
Why is that?
Because this book lays out the arguments for the importance of fathers in the lives of children in meticulous fashion, carefully stressing the research that supports his conclusions.
If ever a society needed to hear Pruett's important messages about the vital role of fathers, it's ours. Consider what we have in America: A consistently high level of divorce; a relatively high number (20 percent) of high-conflict post-divorce relationships between co-parents; a high degree of father absence after divorce; and general bias against fathers as care-givers. For these reasons, Pruett's book "Fatherneed," is a dose of fatherreality which I believe our nation needs to heed.
And that's what Pruett, a psychiatrist, a Yale University Child Study Center professor and a father himself, gives to the reader. "Fatherneed" explains what it is that children need from their fathers, why fathers have such a profound influence on their children's lives, and why mothers should strongly encourage fathers and children to have a positive connection. This book gives the view of fatherneed from both the parent and the kid point of view.
The research that Pruett presents persuasively reinforces the argument that children need fathers who are "positively engaged" in their lives. This is where this book differs from other recent books about fathers. Some books have simply looked at what happens to children when fathers are either absent or present. Pruett goes beyond that and looks specifically at what the outcomes are for children when fathers are positively engaged in the lives of their children. Additionally, he gives details about research he's been involved in following the children of families where fathers have been the primary caretakers.
The outcomes in terms of healthy development when fathers are primary caregivers or are actively and positively involved in their roles as father are impressive. Those outcomes include children who are more securely attached to the important people in their lives; are more empathic towards others; are less impulsive and have better self-control; show higher conformity to rules; display intellectual advantages; have fewer school behavior problems; and are less likely to drop out of school.
These are just the benefits to children. Furthermore, Pruett points out that there are wonderful benefits to both fathers themselves and mothers when fathers are involved in their children's lives. For one thing, when fathers are more positively engaged in caring for their children, there is higher marital satisfaction and marriages tend to thrive with men exhibiting more compassion and understanding.
Pruett is as convincing in this book as he is in his workshops and presentations. There are so many reasons for fathers to be involved caregivers for children that it is no longer a question as to whether fathers should be more involved. The question is how do we ensure that more fathers meet their own and their children's fatherneeds.