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Discipline: A Sourcebook of 50 Failsafe Techniques for Parents
This exceptionally sensible guide is the first book to offer parents a complete inventory of effective discipline skills and techniques. Whether your goal is to resolve problems or prevent them from coming up in the first place, "Discipline" lists dozens of practical solutions you can use with children of every age, under any circumstance. At once a program for successful child training and a resource filled with alternatives to worn-out and and ineffectual choices, "Discipline" presents parents with a firm yet humane agenda in this most critical area of child development.
"There are now so many disciplinary techniques that ought to be used that parents don't know about," said James Windell, a psychologist who wrote a book to help parents find approaches more likely to result in well-behaved, self-confident children. "Too many parents fail to question the methods they use until their child has a serious problem."
In his book "Discipline: A Sourcebook of 50 Failsafe Techniques for Parents" (Collier), Mr. Windell says parents should be familiar with a variety of methods, so that different tactics can be used depending on the situation and the age and temperament of the child.
- Jane E. Brody, The New York Times
"A rational, straightforward compilation of methods and approaches to child discipline that every parent should require at one time or another...helpful and well organized." - Publishers Weekly
"[Windell] deals with teens in a respectful but firm manner...straightforward, readable." - Family Times
"Windell really gives practical solutions for either solving or preventing problems with kids from toddlers through teens." - Evelyn Petersen, educator, consultant and author
EXCERPT : How to be a Successful Parent
...By DISCIPLINE, I am not just talking about punishment. I use discipline in the broad sense of the tern - not the narrow sense usually restricted to ways of punishing misbehavior.
The word discipline comes from the word disciple, which means student or follower. As parents we are teachers of our children: we teach them to be self-disciplined, to be able to live well in our society, and to like themselves. It is easy to be a teacher or trainer of the young when things are going well. But it usually takes all of the skills and training we have to deal with our children when they have behavior and attitude problems...
...While I certainly support the use of democratic parenting styles, choices, and rewards (you will find these described in the book as important discipline techniques), children often present many types of challenges, calling for a variety of parenting skills. Using only one approach to all problems (offering choices or giving rewards, for instance), is like cooking with only one recipe or teaching with only one lesson plan. To deal adequately with the variety of problems that present themselves to most parents, and to cope with the diverse personalities that make each child (and each parent) unique, parents need a variety of skills and approaches to draw on.
The following chapter list a number of discipline and parenting skills on which to draw when the need arises. You need to know your child and how she reacts and what she generally likes or dislikes. With this information, you decide when a concern falls into one of the following categories and choose and appropriate skill from that category.
* Discipline techniques that prevent problems
* Discipline techniques that encourage self-control
* Discipline techniques that teach lessons
* Discipline techniques that encourage and reinforce appropriate and desired behaviors
* Discipline techniques that correct behavior
* Discipline techniques that discourage inappropriate and undesired behaviors
You decide what you wish to accomplish and try one of the discipline techniques described in each category. You should never be at a loss for something to do. You should never be one of those parents who say, "I've tried everything an nothing works!"...
.....The philosophy of this book is based on the assumption that no one can tell you what will work best with your child. What often works well with one child in one situation will be the wrong technique to use with another child in a different situation of family.
To be the parent you want to be, you must train yourself in a variety of discipline skills. Practice these until you can use them well, and apply the skills you believe will be the most successful with your youngster. If any discipline skill you use doesn't work the way you think it should, you don't have to despair or panic. Because you will know a large number of discipline skills, you can use another, or another - until one does work.
EXCERPT: Chapter 5
First Discipline: Techniques That Prevent Early Problems
....First discipline form parents is aimed at teaching children how to protect themselves and how to be a member of the family....
1. Teach Limits...
2. Use Distraction...
3. Offer Substitutes...
4. Make a Game of Discipline...
9. Use Rhyming Rules
10. Avoid Abrupt Changes
14. Give Leeway to Make Mistakes
EXCERPT: Chapter 8
Techniques That Teach Lessons
The GOAL of the discipline techniques described in this chapter is to help young people deal with problems in new or different ways. Insofar as they are no punitive, they are like the discipline skills aimed at preventing problems. But their particular focus is to teach children lessons and skills that will enable them to cope with problems in the present and avoid them in the future.
Teaching a lesson can mean different things to different people. There's a big difference between teaching to educate and illuminate and teaching to punish. Too often, parents who say they are teaching their kid a lesson end up using that's as a rationalization for physical abuse. Over the years; I've worked with many parents who were charged with abusing their children....
...As our children grow up and become independent, it is only through learning to use problem-solving skills that they will be able to function away form us (or from other authority figures) and make difficult decisions on their own. We don't always want to be there to guide them and tell them what is right and what is wrong. Before they are on their own, making critical judgments for their own life, we have to prepare them. That's what this chapter is all about.
One further point. These approaches are calm, adult responses to problem behaviors and situation. When you use them, you must treat kids with respect and as young adults if they are to have a good chance of working. When they are used well, both you and your children can come away feeling good about the experience.
1. Ask Think Questions
2. Tell Stories That Make a Point